I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
