Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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