That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
