he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize