Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I love you. Go after that dick
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
