found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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