Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
