He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
