there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
