I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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