im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish my penis had an off switch
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
