she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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