It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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