I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
