ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
