I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
