So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
