god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
