So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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