i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
