They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
we should paint friendship bongs
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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