dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
