I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
