I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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