so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
