No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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