my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
