I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
