If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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