he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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