I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
