Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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