I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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