She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
