You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
