Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
