Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
