Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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