you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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