Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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