I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
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she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
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I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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