I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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