dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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