it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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