??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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