i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You're like the curious george of whores
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
