Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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