some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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