She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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