You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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