I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
