remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
