If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
