Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
