My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
