We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
