i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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