Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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