when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
