Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
