i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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