if i can run in heels then i can drive
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
