you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
