You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I could fuck to npr.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
