I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
