Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
