My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you would pick up someone in the library
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
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I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
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Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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