Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
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I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
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My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize