ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
