i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
