I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
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Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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