i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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