Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
